(small) stream of consciousness and color

Ever since I was around 3 years old I would join my mother when she went to the nail salon, she's had acrylic nails for as long as I can remember. Normally rotating between a burgundy red -square shape, or a classic french tip. It's cute how we are such environmental humans. So absorbent, picking up on others' mannerisms and slowly taking a piece of them to live inside of us, if you think about it we are all just a collection of everyone we love.  

Now I've started to paint my nails the same burgundy shade she gets. Red has always been her favorite color, if you saw her house you would notice right away. I feel like everyone's favorite color says a lot about them, red symbolizes passion, strength, warmth and security. Does that explain why I’m so obsessed with having warmth and security in life? I’m still working on being stronger. Could it be a form of manifestation? Surrounding yourself with a certain hue that holds a specific energy because it makes you feel good? Research says that the color of your clothing reflects your mood and a psychic once told me to stop wearing so much black when I confided in her during a rough period in life.

Whenever I ask someone their favorite color and they say blue I feel like they’re lying, there are too many layers to the color blue. It is a very sensitive color each shade of it represents something different. I’ve never been gravitated towards it except recently this electric blue shade has been eating at my brain. Blue Valentine.

My favorite color (right now) is this specific pistachio green although it changes with different seasons of my life. It used to be lilac purple, the color I had my childhood bedroom painted and it makes perfect sense finding out lilac symbolizes innocence, youthfulness and tranquility. I like to ask what strangers' favorite color is because most people say green. The color of renewal, rebirth and growth. Is that saying something about the collective’s state of mind? 

I have to remember the word Sonder when I’m in a large group. It’s the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own. It blows my mind because I’ll be in a large populated area and think there’s absolutely no way everyone here is real. But, they are and I have to come to terms that everyone around me is going through their own internal and external turmoil that I’ll never be aware of and vise versa.

My birthday is this Saturday along with my one year living in New York. For some reason I really wanted to wear red. I bought myself this gorgeous black dress but yesterday I decided I wanted to feel strong and passionate. Am I turning into my mother? I never thought I would be where I am today. If you asked little me what she thought I’m sure he would be proud and think I was so cool. I have to be nicer to myself. I tend to get upset because I'm not performing along the same timelines as others, but they probably feel the way all the time right? Growing up and stepping into the “real world” is not a linear process but everything is easier said than done. The little victories in life are the ones that linger in your brain. Another year around the sun. I wonder who and where I will be next year, or even tomorrow.